Arbiter Elegantiae

Saturday, August 24, 2002
Card Carrying Member
  I am now an official card-carrying member of the NRA. Such an archaic phrase, "card-carrying," but I guess it shows my good taste that I appreciate the old traditions. Of course this also means that I have been lobotomized and advocate that everyone strap a 6-shooter to their hip. Right?

As soon as the ACLU (those lazy hippie bastards) get around to sending me my membership card, I'll also be an official card-carrying member of them as well. Then I can report for my second lobotomy and advocate the abolition of all religions except for Unitarianism and secular humanism.

If you're bored, you can go see my membership card HERE. I scanned it in while I was at Kinko's the other day. (PS - I blocked out most of the membership number to prevent any of you greedy bastards from taking advantage of my *fabulous* benefits of membership!)


From Charles Austin
  ...and his blog "sinquanon." With respect to the hoary old chestnut about the US having 5% of the population but generating X% of the badness of the world, let's not forget that that the US also:

Stopped 100% of the major wars the world has known in the last 100 years.

Prevents or stops smaller wars across the globe in a way that no other country or international organization, i.e., the EU and the UN, can even contemplate. Who really stopped the invasion of South Korea? Or brought the killing in the Balkans to an end? Or keeps the lid on the Middle East by funneling huge sums of money to the belligerents?

Put 100% of all the men on the moon.

Creates most of the new pharmaceuticals for all that ails the world.

Props up much of the world's economy through its massive foreign trade deficit, stable dollar, leadership of the G7+1, advocacy for free trade (usually), and funding of the IMF.

Peacefully accepts more immigrants than anyone in the world.

Has the longest standing constitution of any government in the world, providing the strongest protection for individual liberty of any nation in the world.

Invented the Internet, making it possible for people to spread their wisdom (and stupidity) wider and faster than ever before.

And most importantly, has the self-control, self-confidence, and morality to not use its global hyper-superpower status to start annexing land and resources for any reason it wants.


Friday, August 23, 2002
Porn
  What I like best about old porn is that it is so passionate. People go at "it" with gusto: legs move, moaning travels up and down the musical scale, hairs are located in the oddest of places, skin shuffles back and forth and everyone looks slightly yellowish as if they're standing under the fluorescent lights at the K-mart changing room.

Modern porn, for all its high production values, is the modern art of the porn world: everyone stands at right angles; hair is perfect (and removed from all locations below the neck); lighting is solar-flare bright; the perfect moans are looped over and over, and nobody ever, ever, ever, breaks from the script and actually goes buck-fuck-wild on their partner.

All form, no substance.

I just finished watching a clip, (for purely historical research purposes, you understand.) This guy was pumping along like he was running the fuck-friction(TM) marathon. Worked up a sweat, eyes rolled back in his head, pumping his hips -- the whole nine yards. When I compare that to our modern mega stars, I'd have to say that we are a lot less virile than our forebears.

This is what I get for writing blog entries so late at night....


Required Reading
  Can There Be A Decent Left?
by Michael Waltzer, co-editor of Dissent magazine, Spring 2002 edition

If you read nothing else this year, read this.


Unattributed
  (if someone knows who this text belongs to, let me know and I'll give credit and a link)

The quote deals with the CIA/FBI structure and after having been here in DC for awhile, I'd have to say it's pretty accurate.

"In one case, security investigators became exercised because an employee was discovered to have visited the embassies of several Middle Eastern countries years prior to his entry on duty -- not surprisingly, since he had worked for six years as an oil industry executive. Rather than joyously celebrating their good fortune in finding this espionage gem, they fired him. As a consequence, the case officer cadre tends to be full of Mormons and big, blond, beefy Pentecostals from the South, men as out of place in the bazaars as Chandler's tarantula on angel food."


Why I Read Conservative Newspapers
  I'm a die-hard liberal and longtime Democrat, but writers like Mark Steyn (of Canada's "National Post") and Victor Davis Hanson (of the "National Review") just keep hitting the issues so dead on, that I can't help but move to right of center. The only way to remain a good liberal right now is to stand with the conservatives on many issues. Below is Steyn's latest intellectual bullseye(TM). (More Frank-related stuff to come this weekend...)

"The old-time commies at least used to go to a bit of effort to tell the Western leftie intellectuals what they wanted to hear. The Islamists, by contrast, cheerfully piss all over every cherished Western progressive shibboleth. Women? The Taleban didn’t just ‘marginalise’ women, they buried them under sackcloth. But Gloria Steinem still wouldn’t support the Afghan war, and Cornell professor Joan Jacobs Brumberg argues that the ‘beauty dictates’ of American consumer culture exert a far more severe toll on women. Gays? As The New Republic reported this week, the Palestinian Authority tortures homosexuals, makes them stand in sewage up to their necks with faeces-filled sacks on their heads. Yet Canadian MP Svend Robinson, Yasser’s favourite gay infidel, still makes his pilgrimages to Ramallah to pledge solidarity with the people’s ‘struggle’. Animals? CNN is showing videos all this week of al-Qa’eda members testing various hideous poison gases on dogs.

Radical Islamists aren’t tolerant of anybody: they kill Jews, Hindus, Christians, babies, schoolgirls, airline stewardesses, bond traders, journalists. They use snuff videos for recruitment: go on the Internet and a couple of clicks will get you to the decapitation of Daniel Pearl. You can’t negotiate with them because they have no demands — or at least no rational ones. By ‘Islam is peace’, they mean that once the whole world’s converted to Islam there will be peace, but not before. Other than that, they’ve got nothing they want to talk about. It takes up valuable time they’d rather spend killing us."


Wednesday, August 21, 2002
This one is for Josh
  ...since he mentioned me by name (with a LINK!) in his blog.
The Police Blotter of the Arcata Eye


B*llsh*t Generator
  Very amusing. I may add this to my list of permanent links. Thanks to Instapundit for the referral.


Tuesday, August 20, 2002
Every Day Of My Life Feels Like This
  From TimBlair, famed Australian blogger.

"JOURNALIST GILES COREN recently wrote a book review for the Times of London in which he dismissed a certain work as a literary stunt. Part of his review ran as follows:

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. Very clever. All 26 letters of the alphabet in a 35-letter sentence.

But a subeditor changed the "the" to an "a". This meant the sentence no longer contained
35 letters. Read Coren's calm, measured response to the alteration and subsequent error" below.
(text from Guardian News on-line)
.

From: Coren, Giles
Sent: 10 August 2002 16:41
To: James, Anita
Cc: Wells, Dominic
Subject:

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. how fucking
difficult is that? it's the sentence that bestrides the fucking book
i reviewed for you. it is the sentence i wrote first in my fucking
review. it is 35 fucking letters long, which is why i wrote that it
was. and so some useless cunt sub-editor decides to change it
to "jumps over A lazy dog" can you fucking count? can you see
that that makes it a 33 letter sentence? so it looks as if i can't
count, and the cunting author of the book, poor mr dunn, cannot
count. the whole bastard book turns on the sentence being as i
fucking wrote it. and that it is exactly 33 letters long. why do
you meddle. what do you think you achieve with that kind of
dumb-witted smart-arsery? why do you change things you do
not understand without consulting. why do you believe you know
best when you know fuck all. jack shit.

that is as bad as editing can be. fuck, i hope you're proud. it will
be small relief for the author that nobody reads your poxy
magazine.

never ever ask me to write something for you. and don't pay me.
i'd rather take £400 quid for assassinating a crack whore's only
child in a revenge killing for a busted drug deal - my integrity
would be less compromised.

jesus fucking wept i don't know what else to say.


Another well-written blog
  some day I will master the "turn of phrase."
check out Life As It Happens.


Sunday, August 18, 2002
21st century weirdness
  I was at the gym today and checked out some of the new stationary bikes that management has brought in to replace the older models. Each one features a large video monitor inches away from your face. I thought it might be a new video feature of the standard lifecycle pattern: you go up, you go down; up is harder, down is a reward.

No dice.

The video screens on these gizmos are there to show TV programs, pop up ads, and allow you to surf the web. For the sake of having done it, I checked my blog from a stationary bike at the gym. But let's just say that it's a bit hard to maintain your focus and intensity while fussing with the keyboard and flipping back and forth through windows.

The default setting is the "advertising mode" which I eventually covered up with a towel drenched in my own sweat. Take that corporate America! After getting off the bike, I noticed that almost everyone in the gym was plugged into some sort of mass-media gizmo of some sort: headphones, books, newspapers, CD-players, heart monitors, motivational tapes. It reminded me of that sketch on MAD-TV where a homicidal maniac masquerades as a mannequin - and everyone is too distracted and clueless to notice. I could have dropped dead and the girl on the bike next to me would have never noticed. Although I think she would have gone home afterwards once she realized what had happened and blogged the whole event for her friends. Gaagghhhhh!